Unfortunately getting hurt is inevitable! If you live long enough, you will be hurt by someone you know whether they meant to hurt you or not. You will also hurt someone you know whether you meant to cause harm or not. One thing for certain is that we live in a fallen world.
Maybe the pain you received was intentional or it was unintentional.
As a First-Generation Christian, there is so much to learn about God’s Word.
I carried around unforgiveness around for years. I didn’t realize it but unforgiveness was like a cancer to my soul.
The symptoms of unforgiveness in my life included the following:
- easily angered
- bitterness
- hostile
- irritable
- heavy hearted
- sadness and
- quickly remembered the wrongs that had occurred and would frequently talk about those wrongs to others.
How Do You Know You Needed to Forgive?
Do you carry around resentment?
Are you easily angered?
Do you avoid people who have hurt you?
Do you think or speak ill of them?
If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the questions above, you may have some forgiveness work to do.
What Is Forgiveness?
First, I would like to share what forgiveness isn’t…
Forgiveness isn’t…
- forgetting the offense
- letting the person off the hook
- allowing someone to continually harm you
Forgiveness is….
- allowing God to take care of the details
- freeing your soul from the bondage of unforgiveness
- allowing yourself to experience joy
Remember Peter…
Peter was one of Jesus’ closest disciples. Jesus knew that Peter was going to deny Him three times. Peter never thought he would do such a thing, but he did. Not once, not twice but three times he denied knowing Jesus. To read the full story go to Matthew 26:69-75 or Luke 54-62.
How did Jesus handle the situation when one of his closest friends betrayed him?
- Did He shame Peter?
- Did Jesus avoid Peter for the rest of His life?
- Did He tell all the other disciples what a horrible thing Peter did?
The answer to all of the above is “No.”
Jesus restored Peter gently and Peter went on to do great things for the Kingdom of God. To read the full story, go to John 21:15-18.
Sometimes, we are Peter and need to be forgiven and sometimes, we need to be like Jesus and forgive others.
How to Forgive?
Let’s first look at what the Bible says about forgiveness.
The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. God sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. If Jesus forgave us for our past, present and future sins; we need to forgive others who have sinned against us.
Read these verses below on forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13 – “Bear each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Matthew 6:14-15 – “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Mark 11:25 – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Luke 17:3-4 – “So watch yourselves. ‘If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
Why Should We Forgive Others?
When I first read Matthew 6:14-15, I was shocked and terrified at the same time. If I chose not to forgive someone who hurt me; I would not be forgiven. That is a heavy weight to carry! Who doesn’t want their sins forgiven?
I learned two things about forgiveness…
- Forgiveness is a choice!
- With God’s help, we can choose to forgive!
How to Forgive Those Who Hurt You?
The first time I started the forgiveness process, I was in my 20’s. I pulled out my journal and made two columns on a sheet of paper.
On the left side of the column, I listed those I needed to forgive.
On the right side of the column, I listed their offenses.
I went through and asked God to help me forgive each and every person for each and every offense.
Today, I still forgive people on a frequent basis. I don’t need to pull out paper and make columns anymore because I try to forgive people as I go about my day.
I no longer harbor unforgiveness in my heart towards anyone. I keep accounts short because of Jesus forgave me. I need to pass that forgiveness onto others.
Do you need to make a list to forgive anyone?
What About Revenge?
The Bible has a lot of say about this matter too. Should we take matters into our own hands? Should we do it. Should we get back at the person for hurting us or our loved one? The answer is a resounding “NO.” Look at some of these verses.
Romans 12:19 – “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Proverbs 20:22 – “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:15 – “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
1 Peter 3:9 – “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Do you feel you need to take matters into your own hands?
The Blessing of Forgiveness!
When I chose to forgive those who have sinned against me, it truly changed my life!
I felt lighter! I felt true joy for the first time!
Forgiveness truly was a gift.
I felt true freedom from the bondage of unforgiveness!
Reflection Questions for You:
- Is there someone you need to forgive today for a past or present hurt? Is there more than one person you need to forgive? Do you need to start making of list of all the people you need to forgive?
- If you need to forgive someone, is anything holding you back from forgiving this person?
- Do you think if you forgive this person they will be off the “hook” for what happened? What do you think God says about this?
Challenge:
Write down the names of all the people you need to forgive in your life. Next to their name, write down how they offended you. Ask God to help you to forgive each person on your list. If you are having a difficult time forgiving someone, talk things over with a trusted Christian mentor to help you process.
Prayer:
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for loving me so much that you are working on the areas that I need to change. Please reveal to me if there is anyone I need to forgive. Please help me to forgive each and every person completely just like you have forgiven me for all of my sins. Thank you in advance for freeing me from the chains of unforgiveness.
I pray all this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Helpful Resources:
There are a lot of Christian resources on the topic of forgiveness. However, these are some books that I would recommend.
Affiliate Disclosure: “The links under the Helpful Resource” page of my blog are affiliate links. If you purchase through the links above, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend resources I personally trust and believe will benefit first generation Christians.”
Let’s Stay in Touch!
If this blog has helped you in any way or if you have a specific question regarding being a first-generation Christian or one of the first Christians in your family, please email me at Denise@DeniseLBeyerle.com or go to my website www.DeniseLBeyerle.com and go to the CONACT page.
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